The G-Boys at Home: An Epic Tale
by shan-chan2
Summary: what would happen if the G-boys weren't the same at home as we thought they were? warning: insaneness, Relena torture, Quatre with a shot gun?


_disclaimer: don't own it, if i owned it i would make the sieries like this ^-^_

**The G-boys at home: an epic tale.**

No body in their right mind would read this insane story. No one that is unless you are as insane and as daring as myself! *strikes a pose* o.O yeah, well, Oh you need warnings huh? INSANENESS GALORE! Paranoind trowa! Gun weilding quatre! Hypo heero? There is some 3x4 and slight 1x5 in this story, if you don't like it DON'T READ IT! Every body is extremely OOC in this story. This is my first humour story for a long time so please be gental. 

0800 "how it starts" 

"HEERO-NO-BAKA! WHERES MY BRUSH!?" "how am I supposed to know duo-chan!" he replied smartly, obviously knowing exactly where it was. "why don't u ask wuffie-kuns?" duo turned, his face full of rage and stormed off in the direction of wufei's room screaming words of abuse the whole way there. He stopped at wufei's door and was about to kick it down when Quatre appeared supporting a double barreled shot gun. "would you shut up!" he demanded in a harsh whisper. "you'll wake Trowa!" duo death glared Quatre and proceeded to kick the door down. Quatre let off one shot with the shot gun and then returned to be there to comfort Trowa when he woke up… Trowa didn't like loud noises. 

0830 "porn, lost brushes and shot guns" 

"wufei, wufei, where the hell did you put my brush?" duo demanded in a loud whisper. Wufei's eyes snapped open and he quickly slipped a magazine and a bottle of something under his bed, his hair was stuck up at all different wild anles, and seemed to be plastered to the pillow at the same time. A small pool of drool had started to appear on his pillow as well. "it's on my cupboard, just hurry up and get out" duo did a rare thing and smiled. He grabbed the brush and exited the room. To his horror he came face to face with a smiling Heero. Heero glomped Duo happily. "Duo! Get ready, you promised to take me to the pool today remember, sinse it was going to be so hot!" he smiled and ran around to all the rooms. "WER"E GOING TO THE POOL! HURRY UP AND GET READY!" he purposely slammed Quatre and Trowa's door. All you could hear was a high pitched shreik followed by a wide eyed Trowa screaming and running down the halls. Quatre appeared with his shot gun again and smiled evily. He fired one shot at Heero's leg. The bullet struck him hard and he fell over. 

0900. "gun shots and lollipops" 

"hold still you big baka, it won't hurt" Duo laughed as Heero let out another gasp of pain. They had been trying to get the bullet out of Heero's leg for almost half an hour now. Trowa had already puked once and wufei was a little bit green around the gills. Duo dug the tweesers into Heero's leg once again. Once again Heero screamed. This time though, he beckoned a look at his leg, and passed out at the sight of blood. Duo pulled the bullet along with some other internals out, and patched it all up. Heero soon regained concience and Duo made him forget his gaping wound by giving him a lolly pop and promised to take him to the pool yet again. This time everyone went to get ready. Heero appeared in a pair of bright orange board shorts with flowers on them, Trowa in a pair of black speedo's, Quatre in a pair or baggy black boardies with red flowers, Wufei was in a pair of fluro Green boardies with grey flowers and Duo was wearing a pair of red boardies with black writing that clearly stood out. It said 'git fu*ked'. "I'll drive" Duo smiled evily. Even Quatre knew to be afraid when he saw that look. 

0930. "pool!" 

"pool pool pool pool!" Heero cried as they rounded another corner doing about 1ookm's ph. Everyone except Heero and Duo were hanging on for dear life. Heero had half of his body hanging out of the sun roof and screaming to everyone he saw, that he was going to the pool. Duo was driving with his feet and was obviously relaxed. Trowa was clinging to Quatre like a leech. Quatre was clinging to the back of the seat, and Duo could have sworn that Wufei's hair had returned to sticking up at wild angles. Duo slowed down to about 90km's when he saw the 25 kms sign that sinaled the entrance ot the pool. "I'm at the pool!" Heero cried and jumped out of the sunroof, rolled gracefully and ran inside. Duo parked the car, which resluted in one large burn out. But he parked perfectly anyways. He sighed opened the door, grabbed the crow bar, and pried the others off of the seat. 

1000. "back flips and belly flops" 

they entered the pool and payed their fees. Duo payed for Heero, who obviously was aready in the pool. The boys pulled their singlets, (and in Trowa's case his pants) off and walked around to the diving board where Heero obviously was. Duo could hear Heero calling their names as he climbed up to the top platform. The other pilots followed Heero and ended up on the high board. They all stood at the edge, having a look how far it was down. They all backed away to allow room for the first jumper. Which happened to be Trowa. He smiled at Quatre and gracefully ran up, he launched himself out off of the board. He preformed a series of back flipps and twists and finally finished with a graceful swan dive. Everyone clapped as he surfaced and smiled. Next was quatre. Quatre stood right at the edge of the board. He hand standed and sat in that position for a while, everyone didn't even dare to breath as Quatre launched himself off of the platform with his arms. He did a series of twists and backflips, and landed with a very graceful dive. The blonde Arabian surfaced and everyone decided to breath again. Next was wufei. He smiled and bounded off of the board and did a series of back flips. Everyone gasped as he righted himself and executed a perfect back dive. He surfaced too and everyone started to cheer. Next was Duo. He ran up, back flipped and launched himself off of the board and started to perform a series of front flipps. He then started to spin. Which made his braid spin out like a helicopter. He barely broke the surface as he dived. Everyone cheered for him. Next was Heero's turn. He smiled, ran up and jumped. It wasn't anything inparticular. Kinda like a cross between a suey and a bomber. He landed with a sickening splat and seemed to float face down in the warter for a while. Trowa swam upto him and poked him. He suddenly jumped back to life. "lets do it again!" he yelled. The others just sighed and swam away. 

1200. " pool, turns and relena torture?" 

Duo, Trowa, Quatre and wufei all held Heero by a corner of his body as they dragged him to the car. "pooooooooooooooollllllllllllll!" he whined. He tried to twist out of the pilots strong grasp, but it wasn't working. They threw Heero into the car and strapped him in. wufei jumped on Heeros lap as an 'uninvited guest' invited herself in. Duo started the car and they were soon speeding away from that awful place. Relena kept yapping in Duo's ear as he sped trough the buisy streets. she kept talking about how one of her friends had a crush on him, and the new dress she got. It was driving Duo mad! He swirved sharply and they ended uo in the drive way of their house. Wufei giggled and blushed as Heero grabbed him around his waist to steady himself. "alright, everyone OUT!" Duo demanded. Everyone piled out. They knew what was coming next. Duo only runs inside for either of 2 things, lunch or Relena torture. 

1230. "let the duo games begin!" 

"so relena, we meet again…" Duo laughed at relena, who was tied to a tree. "unh…" she muttered, earlier she had been beaten half to death and shot twice, in the leg, by Quatre and Duo himself. Duo continued to laugh. He found the whole scenario verry funny. He tied the ropes tighter and then pulled out an uzi. Quatre appeared with trowa on a leash.Duo smiled at Quatre and started to fire the uzi. Trowa's eyes went wide and he ran strait at relena. He started to tear her to bits and pieces. Bits of relena started to fly around the yard. Everyone started to laugh. 

1300. " I knew she was rotten…" 

duo sighed and started to clean up the mess that trowa had made earlier. He had left it for almost 20 minutes and now it had started to reek. 'man she must have been rotten…' duo thought to himself. He almost smiled to himself as he cleaned up that horrible pink swimming cozzie that relena was wearing, and he knew, he wouldn't see that for almost a week, or untill relena suddenly mysteriously reincarnated herself. 'it's really freaky when she does that.' He finally finnished bagging relena and walked the bag out to the trash. He almost smiled, but the feeling was very short lived as heero and wufei bounded around the corner. "oh no…" duo muttered almost totally mortifyed. "DU-CHAN!" the two baka's yelled. "AAHHHHH!" duo screamed and started to run, because he knew if he stopped, he would be toirn into little iddy biddy pieces by the two almost chibi-like crack pots. 

1330. "creepy chorusing" 

"let… go… of… me…" duo growled dangerously. The two idiots were clingin insanely to him. "but du-chan…" the two bakas whined at the same time. The two bakas being heero and wufei. Two high powered gun shots resounded through the garden. "let him go now…" the ice cold voice seemed to rattle the two bakas. Duo looked up and saw quatre. Not the quatre that everyone knew… oh no… this one was different. His shirt was ripped into shreds and there was streaks of blood on his arms. "look what you IDIOTS made TROWA do to me!" he almost screached. Heerod and wufei looked down cast. "to your rooms, both of you…" duo growled. Heero and wufei both started slowly walking inside, stopping to give duo and quatre a very very very sorrowful look. "GO" quatre and duo both yelled at the same time, both pointing their fingers. The two boys pouted and proceded to walk again. "peace at last" quatre and duo sighed at the same time. They looked at eachother. Sweat dropped. And opened their mouthes. "this is really weird." They both whispered. "I think… I will go now…" they both started to walk away from eachother. Then they both looked back, grinned, and bolted. 

1400. "paranoia" 

trowa sat alone. The room was silent dark and very empty. Trowa hated empty rooms. They echoed, really loudly. Trowa most of all really hated loud noises. He sat as still as he could, trying very hard not to make a single noise. But he felt it coming. He held his nose and tried very hard to stop it. "no…no…no" he whispered. But it happened. "huuu…huuuuuuh…BLACHOOOOO!" "ooo" "ooo" "oo" it echoed around the room. Trowa stood bolt upright and high tailed it out of the room, only to find the rest of the wooden floored wooden walled echoing house totally devoid of people. Trowa at this instant, felt totally paranoid. "oh crap…" he whispered as he slowly edged along the walls. Trying to be as silent as he could. He was proceding smoothly, and without noise untill… "BLLAAAAHHHHCCCKKKKHHHHH!!!!" heero jumped out from behind trowa and scared the living sh*t out of him. Heero then proceded to laugh maniacally as trowa clung to the next thing that happened to walk through the door. It was quatre. "what the HELL do you think you are doing to MY trowa…yuy" quatre growled very dangerously low voice. "what does it look like q? scaring him ofcourse…" heero said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. Quatre jumped at heero and proceded to strangle him, heero was just starting to turn a nice shade of blue when the phone rang. Trowa nervously answered it. "hello?" "barton, we need you boys to be on set in 10 minutes" "okay, did you order my ear plugs? I am not piloting heavyarms without them" trowa growled. "yes, they came in today" "good, we will see you in probably less than 10 minutes you know what its like when duo drives…" "hn..." the guy on the other end muttered. Trowa hung up the phone and looked at the others. "we are needed on set in 10 minutes" he said calmly. He grabbed the keys and proceded to go and find duo. 

1430. "relena road kill" 

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"trowa screamed hanging on to quatre for dear life. "yeah! Yeah!" heero yelled, his body was hanging out of the sun roof, as always, this time wufei had joined him too. "woooohaaa!" wufei yelled. "guess what people! Were going to the studio!" heero yelled. All the people stopped to look at the maniacs driving around in the car. Wufei had his tounge lolling out of his mouth, like a dog on a hot day. Duo was having a good old time when all of a sudden… "DUUUUUUUUUUUU-OOOOOOOOOO!!" "oh crap" duo muttered. He stopped the car and pulled over nexto her. "relena, I thought I killed you today already…" she looked at him skeptically. "yeah, I remember that" "okay" relena leaned into duos window and puckered her lips. Duo smiled and leaned in close. "oh duo… finally!" relena whispered. Duo laughed and rappidly accelerated. Relena looked stunned for a few seconds before duo took off. Her head flew past duo and landed in a mortifyed trowas lap. "EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAKKK!" he screached before tossing her head out of the window. "strike two for duo…" quatre laughed. They finally made it to the studio. Duo got out and noted the impressive red streaks down the drivers side of his car. He looked back at the back wheels and saw the pink material caught in the hub cap. "hey quatre… come and have a look at this" duo laughed. Quatre walked around the side of the car, trowa clinging to him like a cheap purfume. ( I don't know why I said that, I have always wanted to say that in a story ^-^) "I guess she decided to come for a ride!" quatre laughed. Trowa burried his face into quatres shirt. They walked inside to get changed into their costumes. "why do I get spandex and a muscle shirt" heero whined. "heero, we have been over this every time since the show first started…" "it is what you wear, like it or lump it" everyone in the building groaned. "exactly…" 

1530. "those blasted onnas!" 

"RELENA! WHERE IS THAT BLASTED ONNA!" duo yelled. "god, you kill her, and when you don't want her she just appears, but when you DO want her, that is a different story" quatre sighed. "sorry I am late guys, I needed to work on my tan" she walked into the room, wearing a thong bathing cozzie, of course, it was pink. "I think I am going to be sick…" everyone except heero muttered. "okay, um, relena, go put some clothes on or something…" duo said trying to shoo her off. "how about you come and put them on for me duo" she replied, fluttering her eyelashes. "he said put some clothes on biotch!" Quatre growled dangerously, pulling a gun from his pocket. "you look like a Lebanese gherkin, you know, lebanese gherkins are all wrinkly and stuff…" trowa smiled sweetly but was slapped by relena. That was all quatre would take. He shot relena between the eyes making blood spew from her mouth. Trowa, as always, looked utterly mortifyed. "what did you go and do that for quatre!" the producer (who happened to be treize) yelled. "if you wait a while, she will come back, she is like a parasite or something, I am pretty sure she can duplicate and start mass breeding" quatre replied. Treize shrugged and went back to what he was doing. Trowa had finally calmed down when… "TROOOOOO-WAAAAAAAA!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HILDE!" trowa screamed and started to run. "trowa, come back! Please! I love you trooo-waa!" trowa sweatdropped and walked away. He didn't scream, he didn't jump, he just walked off. "strange…"quatre sighed. He looked over at Hilde, she appeared to be shattered. "um… I hate to burst your bubble hilde… but trowa is gay…" quatre laughed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" hilde screached. Quatre walked away, knowing in all truth, that it was a lie. Or was it? "hang on a second, trowa does sort of have a femi…nin walk… uh…" quatre sighed and smiled, that meant that his wildest dreams could actually come true. 

1600. "trowa vs heavyarms and cute butts?" 

"trowa? Trowa damnit! Get in that Gundam now!" Treize tried to push trowa into heavyarms. "no no no no nononononononononononononononononono!" trowa whispered frantically, trying not to let himself get pushed into the giant mecha. "trowa… in the Gundam now" quatre growled, although he was having a good time watchin trowas pert little butt wiggle back and froward… Quatre mentally slapped himself. The show had to go on. Trowa nodded meekly and got inside the gundam. Quatre sighed and prepared for his roll as the innocent peacemaker. He shuddered and knew that duo must be feeling the same way, afterall he had to play the 'braided baka' "oh man…" quatre sighed as he moved his Gundam on to the set. 

1700. "quatre and trowa sitting in a tree…" 

"finally we're finnished!" heero sighed and streched, walking away from the car. Wufei followed him. Duo closed his door and sighed loudly. Today just wasn't his day. "hey chang, where's Quatre and Trowa?" duo asked, he was hopinglike hell that he didn't leave them at the studio, last time he did that quatre had shot him in the foot. "um, they're in the car, I think quatre got angry because he is trying to eat trowa, yuikorosu?" wufei giggled and ran off to find heero who had ran off earlier. Duo shrugged and opened quatres door. There, right before his eyes was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. Quatre had trowa's shirt off and seemed to be devouring the paranoid man, love bites were placed all over trowas chest. Quatre was in nothing except a small black G-string. Trowa whispered something in quatres ear. Quatre pulled a gun out of his pants (which were on the car floor) and muttered a small but highly frightening sentence. "omae o korosu" Duo made a small "eeep" noise and started to back away. "yeah that's right you perverted bastard if you want to spy on someone having sex, why don't you check up on heero "shugar rush" yuy and wuffles?" duo seemed shocked. "yeah now piss off" with that duo ran away, totally scared. 

2100. "the sum up" 

the day had finallyh come to an end. Trowa and quatre still had not come out of the car, but last time duo had bothered to look the car was rocking and the windows were fogged up, even on a hot night. Wufei and heero hadn't emerged yet either. Duo sighed and pulled his instant noodles from the microwave. "not as good as the real thing of course, but I can't be bothered cooking tonight." Duo muttered to himself as he slurped the noodles down. It was quiet in the house, appart from the occasional giggle coming from the bedroom, duo liked it quiet. He sighed yet again and pulled up his most prized possession. He placed it on the tabe and opened the lid it instantly greeted him. "h e l l o d u o" "has he been here today?" duo asked it. "n o, n o t t o d a y" "are you sure?" "a m I n e v e r n o t s u r e?" "guess not" duo sighed and started to type. Yes, he was using his beloved laptop. And the "he" thatg they had mentioned happened to be Heero. Duo really couldn't care at all, the conversation with the laptop only had to do with the fact that heero had a bad habbit of hacking duo files and reading his erotic fantisies that involve him and a certain couple of boys named quatre and trowa. Duo mentsally slapped himself. He shouldn't be thinking things like that in the first place. Thus they continued on, day in, day out, the same old routine; Wake everybody up, Get threatened by quatre. Torture relena, Kill relena, Clean up relenas mess, Do something, Go to the studio, Come back and score one of the boys, Write dirty notes on laptop and hide them from heero… 

Duo looked up from his typing to read what he actually wrote and was surprised to see that some very erotic words were plastered all over his screen, and to top it off a very horny pair of boys who he constantly fantisised about were looking over his shoulder… 

  
I HAVE FINNISHED! WILL JOE LIVE? WILL GEKIGENGAR 3 NEED A NEW PILOT?! *trowa smackes her upside the head* this is Gundam wing! *takes away Spirit Wolf's 'Martian Successor Naesico' DVD's so that Shan-chan can't watch them anymore* That wasn't very nice trowa… anyways, this has taken me an extremely long time to write so no flames please… Now that that is done… *grins evily at trowa and attacks him with hoards of kisses* 


End file.
